


Bits and pieces

by pixilicious



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:47:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 14,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9452915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixilicious/pseuds/pixilicious
Summary: Bits and head cannons from the BH story line. In no particular order. ( I have fixed the order somewhat. I'll leave the new pieces at the end for a while so you don't have to scan through every chapter to find what you haven't read. Sorry I've been lax in updating!)





	1. I'll keep you warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoth is too cold for Shy, which is going to make for a long Night for Torian (prelude to Daylight)

    The tent did little to keep out the cold, and the small heat lamp they had brought with them was no match for Hoth’s brutal night. The small outcropping of rocks and ice they had pitched their tent against blocked most of the wind at least. Extra blankets, thick bedrolls to insulate them from the cold ground, none of it was enough it seemed. Torian watched Shy, as she sat across the tent shivering, pull the blankets tighter around her shoulders. She wasn’t used to the cold. He wasn’t either, but it seemed he was better off than she was.

    He pulled off a glove and felt the bedroll closest to him. _Cold_. It seemed even the thickest they could find wasn’t thick enough. He considered giving her his extra blankets. Won’t be enough, he thought, her body heat won’t be enough to … body heat. Abruptly he told her, “I’ll keep you warm.”

    Shy blinked, “Wh-what?” She must be hypothermic, there’s no way she had heard him right.

    She watched as he pulled the bedrolls together and covered them with one of his blankets. “You’re too cold. Body heat will warm you up. Keep us both warm. Take off your armor.” He began removing his own, gently piling it in the corner, down till he was just wearing his pants and a double layer of socks.

_I’m hallucinating_. She couldn’t help but stare. They had been working together for a while, but she hadn’t seen him undressed. Suddenly her mouth went dry.

    Torian sat on the bedding. “Armor won’t keep you warm.” He cocked his head at her when she didn’t move, “I’ll help.” He reached under her blanket cloak and began to take off her gloves. That got her moving.

    With her shaking it took longer than it should have to get her out of her armor, but without his help it would have been worse. He gently pushed her to the bedding and tucked her in before sliding in next to her. “There,” he wrapped his arms around her, hooked an ankle behind her knees, and pulled her against his chest. He briskly rubbed her arm and back, trying to warm her up faster.

    “T-Torian, I… Thank y-you” Shy snuggled into him, her shivering gradually lessening.

    “Told you, I’ll keep you warm.” He continued rubbing her back as her shaking stopped. After a long while, a deep sigh and her steady breathing reassured him she had finally drifted off to sleep. He nearly groaned when she moved and tucked herself under his chin, her lips a breath away from his throat. _Long night_.


	2. Daylight

Daylight

Torian had lain awake for hours now. He brushed the hair from Shy’s forehead as he watched her sleep. It would be dawn soon and they’d need to get moving. They still had a few hours travel back to base, and Hoth wasn’t going to be any more forgiving today than it had been while they hunted Vause. 

Huddling together for warmth was practical. At least, that’s what he had told himself. Now, as Shy snuggled closer to his side, part of him regretted it, but only because it meant he had to let go. This was the third morning, each one had been harder than the last. Shy wasn’t his. He had to let go. She had needed him, but now the hunt was over and they had to go back to base. Sighing, he carefully extracted himself from her arms and the tangle of covers. She made a small sound of protest and he froze. When she didn’t wake, he tucked her back in and began pulling on his layers and armor over his body suit. He watched her sleep as he cursed himself for a fool. 

Shy stretched and groaned at being awake. Sighing she looked around and found Torian to the side of their small tent suiting up. “Mornin’ Tor” sitting up and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders she watched him stiffen. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Need to get moving.” No one called him Tor except for Corridan. It was familiar, comfortable. His heart had soared at it. His head knew better.

Shy shrugged and grabbed her pack, pulling out her own warm layers. “I can’t wait to get back to the Mantis and take a long hot shower and a nap in my own bed.” She paused to pull the shirt down over her head. “I will NOT miss this ice ball.”

Torian swallowed and nodded. “No complaints” He pulled on his boot, starting when a ration bar smacked him upside the head. His eyes flew to Shy’s grinning face.

“Lighten up Tor. We’ll be home soon. This hunt has made me eager for some REAL fun. I was thinking we have time for a mini vacation to Dromund Kaas. Give Mako and Gault some time to be off ship. Maybe we can hunt a few beasts while we wait for a bounty or two to roll in?” 

Torian simply nodded and Shy huffed at him. “You’re too serious” She stuck her tongue out at him and went back to getting ready.

They continued in silence for a while before Torian spoke. “Mind if I ask you a personal question?”

Shy glanced at him over her shoulder “If I answer, I get to ask you something personal.”

“Fair enough” He took a deep breath and continued, “You seeing anyone?”

Shy turned to face him, arms full of bedding, and cocked her head at him. “That idle curiosity, or was there another question you wanted to ask?” before he could answer she continued “I’m not seeing anyone, but I could be talked into it, by the right guy.”

He seemed to perk up at that “Really? I’ll have to remember that” clearing his throat “Guess it’s only fair I let you ask one too. Shoot.”

Shy looked thoughtful for a moment before deciding on her question “What do you look for in a woman?” 

He frowned at the floor. “Well, she has to be Madalorian. And she’s got to be a better shot than me.”

She grinned at him “I’m two for two! What do I win?”

Torian shook his head absently “Not much of a prize right now… I better work on that.” He seemed to snap out of it and looked at her “We should get moving. We can talk later.” 

Shy sighed, disappointed, and finished packing. They made short work of the rest of camp and soon were securing the packs to their rented speeders.

“You think the Chiss Ascendancy will be upset Vause is dead?” Shy yanked the strap tight and looked over at Torian. 

He shrugged “Likely will be” he glanced up “Does it matter?”

She chuckled and shook her head “Not really, but you know I hate to disappoint.” She threw a leg over her bike and plotted the coordinates for the Imp base. “Let’s not keep them waiting.”


	3. Morning Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shortly after Torian first joins Shy. He's already got a crush

Torian was almost always the first one awake. He didn’t mind, gave him time to exercise and get cleaned up before Shy… well before anyone else woke up. It was strange that he was so worried about being ready at all times since he joined the crew. Shy had never told him he needed to be. She was rarely even out of bed before the others were going about their day.

He headed to the refresher only to find the door locked. Odd, he hadn’t heard anyone else awake. He listened close to the door and heard the shower running. Maybe Mako was up early. The slicer did tend to move more quietly than the others. Torian leaned against the bulkhead next to the door, deciding to just wait for her to finish.

After awhile he heard the shower turn off. _Good, should still have time to clean up before Shy wakes up_. He snorted at his train of thought. _Only been here a few weeks and already lost, trying to impress her_. _Definitely worth impressing._ _Maybe should increase my workouts, sharpen reflexes, learn a new weapon…_ He was so lost in thought he nearly jumped when the refresher door slid open.

“Oh! Morning, Torian.” Shy beamed at him, rubbing a towel over her still wet hair. “I didn’t know you were up.”

Torian cleared his throat, forcing his gaze to her face. She wore a snug fitting cropped shirt and possibly the smallest shorts he had ever seen. He was certain he was bright red. _Haar’chak_ , “I… uh… get up early and train. Want to be ready whenever you need.”

Shy nodded, stepping fully out of the doorway. “Mako keeps getting after me that I’m not a morning person.” She made a face at the idea. “I ‘need to be more prepared’, apparently I can’t do that if I sleep in.” She yawned as if to accentuate her point. “Told her I’d try getting up earlier. Maybe we can workout tomorrow. Get a routine going?”

Torian nodded, distracted. “Could work…” She laughed softly, drawing his attention back to reality. “Been meaning to show you a new shot I’ve been working on, anyway.” _Good going, now you have to work on one_.

“Sounds great.” She patted his chest and slid past him, heading toward her quarters. She called back to him, “You finish getting ready and I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few. We can grab a bite and I’m dying for some caf.” Another yawn, she laughed, “Maybe it’ll keep me awake long enough for you to show me your stuff!”

Torian’s gaze followed her until she disappeared into her room. _Well, you wanted to impress her. Here’s your chance._


	4. Shaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions can be nerve wracking

Shy stretched and rolled her shoulders. It felt good to have a bit of down time, they had been staying at the base she had set up on Nar Shaddaa for almost three weeks now. Admittedly though, she was starting to get antsy. She bit back a sigh as she reached for her data pad. Time to look over the bounties Mako had been rounding up for them. 

Her com beeped. She pulled it out and flipped it on. A message from Torian? She had just seen him that morning. As far as she knew he hadn’t left the appartments. His image flickered before her _“Know you’re busy. Wanted to talk when you have time. No rush.”_ She shook her head and put her com away. He knew she always had time for him. 

***************************************************************************

Torian stood on the balcony Shy had set up as a target range. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He moved to where his rifle sat and picked it up. Positioning himself, he settled the weapon to his shoulder. _Damn. Shaking bad._ Target practice had always calmed his nerves. 

Slow breath in. Slow out. Squeeze the trigger. Zap, the bolt hit the energy field that surrounded balcony. _Hmph_ Sighting in again he took another breath. In. Out. Squeeze. ZAP. He growled low and set the gun down again on the work bench. The door swished open behind him, he recognized Shy’s footsteps. 

“Got your message. Getting ready to do some practice?” She smiled as she came up behind him. 

Torian flattened his palms against the table and took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“You alright, Tor?” she sounded puzzled. 

“Frustrated” he turned to her and forced a small smile. “Sights are off.” 

Shy nodded and looked him over. “You wanted to talk. Something on your mind?” 

Half step towards her. _Now or never._ “I’m in love with you.” There. He’d said it. He held his breath. 

Shy gave him a lopsided grin, relieved it wasn’t anything serious. “You just figure that out? I could have told you that.” When he still looked troubled she closed the distance and cupped his cheek. “I love you too.” 

With a slight shake of his head “I’ve known for a while. Just trying to figure out if I’ve gotten us both in trouble. Mandalore is your clan leader, I don’t want to cause trouble for you.” He looked at the floor between them. “But maybe I’m only causing trouble for me.” 

She brought her other hand up and held his face gently, tugging him down so his forehead rested against hers. “I love you, stop worrying.” She tilted her chin up until her lips met his. 

He relaxed, placing his hands on her sides and sliding them up over her shoulders to rub idly along her arms. Pulling away slightly, pressing his forehead to hers again. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum. However long forever turns out to be, I’m yours.” 

He hadn’t taught he that phrase in Mando’a yet, but she could tell by his tone it was important. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.” She smiled at his sharp intake of breath. “You’ll have to teach me what that means, but for now” she stepped back and let her hands drift to his chest “I believe you have a rifle to sight in and I had better look over the bounties Mako keeps throwing at me.” She kissed him quickly one more time and turned to leave. 

“I’ll teach you anything you want Cyare.” He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as she spun and blew him a kiss before disappearing through the door. 

He picked up his rifle and positioned himself again. Shouldered and sighted he took a breath. He exhaled slowly and squeezed the trigger, cursing the zap as the round hit the energy field again. _Damn, sighting is off. Stopped shaking, at least._


	5. I'm not leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little drabble for a prompt.

Shy went down hard on one knee. The blaster bolt had caught her side, smashing into a weak spot in her armor. Staggering to her feet she fired both blasters at their target’s retreating form. _Good thing this bounty is dead or alive_ , pain shot through her before she could finish the thought. Stumbling behind a barricade, she slumped against it pulling off her helmet. “Go, Tor, I’ll catch up.” Pain laced her words; her breathing came in half gasps as she tried to remove her chest plate.

Torian turned at the sound of her voice. “What?” Shy looked pale. He closed the distance just as she managed to get her armor open, exposing the blaster wound. He sank down next to her.

“What are you doing? Chase him down, Tor.” She sucked in a hissing breath as he touched the area around the wound.  “We need that bounty.”

He pulled his helmet off giving her a startled look. “I’m not leaving.” He fumbled with the pouch on his belt and produced kolto and a stim. “Sit still.” He gave her the stim and popped the top off his canteen, pouring the cool water over her torn flesh.

Shy snarled when the water touched her skin and pounded a fist into the dirt. “Tor! We almost had him!”

He set the water down and took her face between his gloved hands, punctuating each word “I. Am. NOT. Leaving you.” He released her face and returned to tending her. He huffed to cover a chuckle when she muttered what sounded like stubborn _. Look who’s talking_. 


	6. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In light of Valentine's Day I thought a little gift exchange was in order :)

Mako shook her head in dismay. “I don’t know why you’re going to this much trouble. Torian will like anything you give him. You want him to love it? Buy him a weapon or something.” 

Shy waved her off. “You didn’t have to come with me, you know. I’m perfectly capable of wandering the promenade shops on my own.” 

Mako picked up and examined a shirt before putting it back. Sighing “I know that. But I thought a girl’s day would be fun. Didn’t realize it would take you _all day_ to find something for him.” 

Shy laughed “It’s our first anniversary in two days. This is the first chance I’ve had to try to find something for him. Though you’re probably right, a weapon is pretty much the best thing he could get.” 

“Great!” Mako grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the shop. Giving her a shove in the direction of the only weapons shop “Now, you go buy him a nice rifle or something. I’m going to go do _anything_ else. I’ll meet you back at the ship.” 

Shy shook her head laughing as she headed off. “Fine, but don’t spoil the surprise!” she called over her shoulder. 

“What surprise?” 

Mako nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Torian’s voice behind her. She spun on him. “Oh… um… nothing… she’s just shopping… and … well…” 

Torian quirked a brow at her. “Our anniversary?” 

Mako’s eyes went wide. “Did you hear us talking?” She glared suspiciously “Were you spying?” 

He chuckled and shook his head “Nope. Just all she talked about on our way here.” At the look of understanding that passed over Mako’s face, he nodded. “Mando’s aren’t much on anniversaries, really. Seems to be a big deal to her though. Thought I’d try to find her something. No idea what though.” 

Mako thought for a moment. Shy was harder to buy for than she thought Torian would be. An idea popped into her head and she darted past Torian. “Come on! I think I know just what you can get!” 

******************************************************************************

Torian leaned against the wall in the quarters he shared with Shy. He fidgeted with the small wrapped box he held. Mako assured him she would love it. He felt rather silly for spending so many credits on something so small. It wasn’t terribly practical, or even useful, really. Maybe he should have bought her a new blaster, or a utility belt. Sighing, he shoved off the wall and began pacing. 

Shy was finishing up some business. She had made him promise to meet her in their room for a “surprise”. The longer he waited, the less sure he was that she would like his gift. Which was ridiculous. She would be happy he thought about it enough to get her something. He spun as the door slid open, shoving the box behind his back as Shy entered carrying a rather large package. He stuffed the box into the pouch on his belt and leapt to take the one from Shy’s arms. 

She grinned at him. “It’s a little awkward to carry all wrapped up like that. Happy anniversary, Riduur. Open it!” 

He blinked at her as she bounced excitedly before examining the box. Setting it on her desk he pulled back the paper and lifted the lid. It was a rifle. He picked it up and sighted down the barrel. Weight was good, well balanced. He tossed it hand to hand before settling it to his shoulder. He carefully set it back in the box and turned to her. “Thank you, Cyar’ika. It’s the best rifle I’ve ever owned.” 

Shy beamed at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You said you wanted to get better at using one. I thought you should have your own instead of borrowing Gault’s.” 

He swallowed nervously and pulled her gift from his pouch. Cautiously he said “It’s no rifle, but I hope you like it.” Then he blurted out “Mako helped me pick it out.” He cringed inwardly. That sounded like he was trying to pawn the blame off on Mako should she not like it. 

She made a little squeak of excitement. Stepping back, she took the box from him and carefully pulled off the colorful paper, gasping as she flipped open the lid. She stared at the contents for a moment before gingerly picking up the chain. She set the box down and let the holo-locket settle in her palm. 

Torian shifted uncertainly. “Mako said you liked to have holos of people you’re close to. Thought maybe this way you could carry them with you.” He shrugged and shoved a hand anxiously through his hair. 

Caught off guard, he nearly toppled when Shy threw herself at him. “It’s wonderful! Thank you so much, Tor.” 

He breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you like it, Cyare.” He bent and kissed her forehead. 

She grinned up at him. “Now I just need to get my holos put on it.” Stepping back, she cast him a teasing glance. “Maybe I can finally get one of you to put on it too.” Laughing when he groaned at that prospect, she slipped the chain over her head. 

Resigned, he nodded. Wrapping his arms around her as she slid hers around his neck. “Anything for you, Cyar’ika.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riduur - spouse  
> Cyare -beloved  
> Cyar'ika - sweetheart


	7. talking to ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandalore calls, Torian leaves Mako behind

   Torian stood still in the center of her… no… _their_ room, undisturbed since the day Shy disappeared. He hadn’t been able to sleep here without her. Months had passed, and they were no closer to finding Shy. _Chasing ghosts_.

   He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked around the room. He had few belongings, most of which weren’t stored here anyway, but he needed to make sure he had everything. Corridan would be here soon, Mandalore’s call would not wait just because he could not find _mirjahaal_ , peace.

   He moved slowly, meticulously replacing everything he moved as he gathered his things, Shy’s scent still clung to hers. “Shy,” _Not sure why I’m talking to an empty room,_ “I didn’t tell anyone else I was leaving…” his voice sounded loud in the silence. “You deserved to know though.”, it eased his mind somewhat, he could almost feel her presence.

   He paused when he saw her locket on a shelf. It was the one he had given her for their first anniversary. He touched it reverently, blinking back tears as a fresh wave of sorrow washed over him. She wore it every time she went into danger, claiming the holos of her family gave her strength. She was supposed to have been safe on Marr’s ship. Picking it up he slipped the chain over his head and tucked it beneath his armor.

   He finished quickly, casting one last look around the room before closing the door. He needed to be gone before Mako woke to ask him where he was going. Guilt gnawed at him. He had promised to protect her when the others started leaving. Not for the first time, the thought of bringing her with him crossed his mind. She wasn’t Mando’ade, but he could adopt her into clan Cadera, not that it was worth being a part of, but it was something. Just as quickly he brushed the thought away. Mako was safer here, away from the bulk of the fighting. Mandalore would waste no time hitting Zakuul head on.

   That did little to quash his guilt, he was abandoning her in the middle of the night. He headed for the helm and typed a note for her to find, promising he would check in on her. After a moment he pulled up his accounts and transferred most of his credits to Mako, she would need them more than he did. Treek was still here, as was 51. They had both decided fighting Zakuul was better than anything they would find on their own. Twovee was still here as well… Mako wouldn’t be completely alone. She was smart, she could take care of herself… he hoped.


	8. Andi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shy and Jorgan rescue some refugees, and one needs a little more help than the others

“Hurry, Commander! We’ve got to get out of here!”

Shy ignored Jorgan’s bluster as she stepped inside the last dwelling, pulling off her helmet as she entered. Something wasn’t right, she could swear she had heard something when she opened the door. “It’s ok. We’re here to help.” Shy studied the shadows. “More skytroopers will be coming. I need to get you out of here.”

Something moved just at the edge of her vision. Spinning towards it, she managed not to raise her weapon, wouldn’t help a frightened refugee to have a blaster pointed at their face. A small child peeked around a chair, her white hair so bright in the low light Shy was surprised she didn’t notice it when the door had opened. Shoving her off hand into it’s holster, she moved carefully toward the girl. “It’s alright.”

The child inched out of her hiding spot. Shy looked her over, she didn’t appear to be more than five, maybe six? Cajoling, “C’mon, we’ve gotta get you out of here, are you alone?” at the girl’s nod she held out her free hand “I’ll keep you safe, kid.”

Bristling as only children can, “Not a kid, momma said I’m a big girl.” Blue eyes glared at Shy.

An image of Torian when Shy first met him flashed in her mind. _Not a kid_. “Sorry, meant no offence.”

The girl relaxed slightly. Still wary, she took Shy’s hand.

“ _Commander_ , what’s the hold up? We have to move, _now_!” Jorgan poked his head in the door.

“Coming.” She quickly plopped her helmet on the girl and swung her up into her arms, no way she could keep up with them. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

*************************************

“Commander?”

Shy startled and looked at Jorgan. The cathar had managed to sneak up on her, she yawned, or maybe she was more tired than she thought. “Something wrong, Major?” stretching, she stood and faced him.

“The refugees are settled in, Commander,” he pointed a thumb over his shoulder, “with the exception of one.” He watched Shy try to locate what he was motioning to, “Kid’s like a ghost, fades into the shadow. I wouldn’t have seen her if I hadn’t heard her sniffling. I tried to talk to her but, well,” He shrugged, helpless, “I’m not used to kids, you know.”

Shy finally picked out the little figure huddled by a pile of boulders at the cliff base, “I’ll take care of her. Thank you, Jorgan.” Little did he know, she had no memory of ever being around _any_ children.

Jorgan caught her arm as she stepped past him, “the others don’t seem to have taken her in…” Shy sighed, nodding. He released her, watching as she picked up her pack and crossed camp before returning to his watch.

Shy grabbed a bed roll and a few blankets from a stack as she passed, berating herself for not checking on the kid sooner. “Care if I join you?” The girl wiped her eyes and shrugged. “Look, I’m sorry I left you alone here. It’s safe so I just…” she sighed and knelt next to her, “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse… You got a name?”

“Le’Andre… but momma always called me Andi…” she sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Firelight glinted off Shy’s helmet wrapped tightly in the girl’s arms.

“I’m sorry Andi… what happened to your parents?” her weak shrug tore at Shy. “The others… do any of them take care of you?” a shake of the head was her only answer. Shy had to tamp down the urge to beat every last one of them for leaving this little girl to her own devices.

She unrolled the bedding near Andi and sat on one end, patting the other. “Come sit. It’s not much but it’s gotta be more comfortable than those rocks.” Slowly Andi moved and settled next to her. Shy wrapped a blanket around her small shoulders.

They sat for a while, the only sound the little girl’s sniffling. Suddenly the sniffling turned into full blown sobbing as Andi threw her arms around a startled Shy. “I don’t wanna be here no more! Momma and daddy have been gone so long. I don’t like it here.”

Shy scooped her up into her lap. “Shhhh… it’ll be ok.” She smoothed the girl’s hair and rocked gently. “I won’t make you stay here after tomorrow. You can come with me, back to my home. It’s mostly safe there.” She wouldn’t lie to the girl, nothing had happened yet, but there was always the chance.

Andi hiccupped, looking up at Shy “Promise?”

“Promise.” Shy smiled, gently kissing the tears that trailed down her cheek before wiping them away. “Tomorrow I’ll make sure one of my friends watches over you while I take care of something. Then we will go home.”

Andi snuggled into her arms, her crying tapering off to a final shuddering sigh. After several long moments, Shy settled back against a pile of stones using her pack as a makeshift pillow and dragged another blanket over them both. Stretching her legs out along the bed roll she shifted into as comfortable of a position as she was likely going to get, careful not to wake her charge. Good thing she hadn’t taken her armor off, at least she couldn’t feel the rocks.


	9. of nightmares and dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mid KoTFE pre reunion

He was running. Acrid smoke burned his lungs. He should have grabbed his helmet. Shy always laughed when he forgot it. He had to find her. Debris and bodies littered the corridors. Eyes scanned as he ran. Where is she? He never should have let her board Marr’s ship alone. He should have insisted on going with her. 

“Cyar’ika… got a bad feeling about this”, he’d told her. She had laughed and kissed him, saying he worried too much. She bumped her forehead against his before turning and bouncing down the stairs. He let her go, she was so sure everything was alright. By the time they knew it wasn’t the airlock was jammed. He didn’t know how he’d managed to get on board. 

The bridge was destroyed. No sign of Shy. He tried to catch his breath as he thought of where else she might be. Engineering. If the bridge had lost power she’d have gone to try to restore control. Turning he sprinted back through the corridors toward engineering. 

His heart was pounding so that it was all he could hear. Muscles ached. Still he ran. He should have had her six. Skidding into engineering he slammed against the railing. Fallen beams crisscrossed the floor below. There. His heart skipped a beat. Vaulting over the rail he rolled to his feet and darted around a large beam. He crashed to his knees beside her. “Cyare… no…” She was pinned, laying in a pool of blood. Her armor was mangled. He leaned close, his cheek to her mouth and nose. A whisper of breath hit him and he swallowed the lump in his throat. Setting a shoulder to the debris, he threw his weight against it. It crashed and fell away. He gently pulled Shy free and onto his lap. 

“I’m so sorry Cyar’ika… I should have been here.” He reached to brush the hair from her face. Blood covered his hand and he squeezed his eyes shut at the sight. Leaning down to her he waited to feel a breath. Nothing. “No. Don’t leave me Shy, please.” Nothing. He let loose an anguished cry. 

Torian bolted upright on his bunk. Heart pounding. He threw the covers back and swung his legs off the edge. Bracing forearms against knees, he took deep breaths trying to calm himself. He hadn’t had the nightmare in months. It had been so frequent at first, he had decided his own tent away from the rest of camp would be better. He had been waking up his bunk mates. He raked a trembling hand through his hair. He had never found her in the dreams before. 

Only dim lantern light peeked beneath the tent flap. Sighing he stood. He wasn’t likely to get more sleep tonight. Opening the chest at the foot of his bunk, he pulled out a fresh kute. He changed and began strapping on his beskar'gam before straightening his bedding. He paused and reached under his pillow, pulling out a thin chain with a holo-locket dangling from it. He settled down on the edge of his bed and flipped the small switch. The locket had been Shy’s. She rarely took it off, but she had left it sitting on the desk in their room the day she boarded Marr’s ship. 

Torian watched as images of the people Shy cared about most flickered above the surface. He paused it as the last imaged came into focus. Mako had helped him add it after Shy disappeared. An image of Shy grinned at him. He didn’t know when Mako had taken the picture, but it captured her perfectly. Always happy, smiling, relaxed. He swallowed hard and turned it off. 

He stood, slipping the chain over his head and tucking it into his chest piece. Slinging his rifle over his shoulder he moved to leave the tent. Hand on the tent flap he stopped and turned back. Grabbing his helmet, he chided himself. He could almost hear Shy’s laughter. 

He stepped out into the night. As he made his way through camp, he silently said his remembrance. Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum. He ticked off names with each step. He got to the last name and took a deep steadying breath. Shy’aren D’rakara Cadera. He glanced at the stars and held tightly to the hope she was out there somewhere. He would find her. Alive or not, he would find her, or he would die trying. 

*****************************************************************************

Shy stared into her small campfire. Odessen base soared on the cliffs overhead, the buzz of activity was audible even from this distance. It drove her to distraction on base. She would never get used to the crush of people, the constant noise. If only she could feel comfortable here. 

She poked a log with her toe. It fell, sending a shower of sparks skyward. A twig snapped behind her and she sighed. So much for solitude. “Hello Theron.” 

He groaned as he stepped into the clearing. “How do you always know it’s me? Am I that loud?” 

Shy chuckled and smiled at him as he joined her by the fire. “Yes” He made a face and she laughed. “You’re also the only one who bothers me out here” 

He looked worried he might have intruded. “I didn’t realize…” 

She waved him off and turned back to the fire. “It’s kind of nice. You care enough to check on me” huffing she picked up a stick and returned to poking the fire. “You come out here for me. Everyone else just coms me because they need something from me.” 

Theron studied her. “You know they worry about you, too. They just… “

“Worry about the fate of the galaxy more.” She finished for him. “I know Lana thinks I’m the solution but I really wish there was someone else to lead.” 

“No one else inspires quite the way you do though. You go out with them. Lead them. It’s the same thing you did on Yavin. It’s why Lana was so determined to find you.” 

“I know… I just want to go back to hunting bounties. I want my little family to be whole again.” Shy turned to face Theron. Resignation bent her shoulders. “I’m guessing you didn’t come out to listen to my self pity?” 

He cleared his throat. “You know I worry about you, but you’re right. I wanted to let you know I’m heading out in the morning. I’ve got some contacts that I need to meet with. Hopefully someone can give me something useful.” He watched her face, looking for signs she knew he wasn’t saying everything. When she nodded and turned back to the flames he was relieved. He had come out here hoping to cheer her up. He had a lead on Madalore, had come out here intending to tell her, but he didn’t have the heart to get her hopes up until he was certain. If it turned out he was chasing a dead end again… 

He stood and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m hoping to only be gone two, maybe three weeks. I’ll keep you updated with whatever I learn.” 

She covered his hand with hers and glanced at him. “Thank you, Theron. Take care of yourself.” 

He nodded. “You too.” 

She listened as his footsteps faded, then rose and banked the fire. It was late. She should try to get some sleep. Rolling out her sleeping mat next to the coals, she tucked one blaster under her pillow and set the other beside her as she lay down. 

Shy watched the stars slide across the sky, wondering which one might be the sun to Torian. She thought again, for possibly the millionth time, all of this would be bearable if her husband were here. 

She closed her eyes and pictured him as she drifted off. Even if he wasn’t physically here, perhaps he would join her in her dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cyar'ika - sweetheart  
> Cyare - beloved  
> Kute- underwear, bodysuit, something worn under armor  
> Beskar'gam- armor  
> Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum - Daily remembrance of those passed on *I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal.* Followed by repetition of loved ones' names.


	10. all night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally reunited

   The sounds of celebration followed them as Torian led her away, still holding her hand tightly. It was unlike him to show physical affection in front of others, but Shy didn’t care, it had been too long without him to care. He held the tent flap for her, ducking in behind her. He released her long enough to switch on the small lamp that hung above his bunk. “Sorry it’s not much…”

   Shy pulled him to her, throwing her arms around his neck and leaning into him, their armor squeaking in protest where the metal pressed together. “Don’t apologize” she laughed, giddy at being alone with him. “This is a war camp, Tor, not some resort on Alderaan.”

   He wrapped his arms around her waist and just looked at her for moment. “I missed you, cyar’ika,” he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “We’re alone. Don’t know what to do first…”

   A sly grin spread across her face. “I have a few ideas, but first,” she raised up on her toes “right now, all I want is your lips against mine.”

   “No complaints.” He kissed her softly, intending to go slowly, savor every moment. It had been too long, the urge to have everything at once clawed at him. Shy had other plans, however, and held him tightly, kissing him hard. Her tongue darting out to taste his lips, hands sliding to cup his face, hold him to her. _Haar’chak!_ To hell with slow. Tomorrow was another battle, no telling if they would have more time. With a groan he slid a hand behind her head and deepened the kiss.

   Shy began tugging at his gear, pulling pieces free haphazardly. He took the hint and his free hand began working to remove her armor. They broke the kiss long enough to pull their chest plates off each other, kicking leg plates and boots away with the rest.

   Torian was rewarded with a squeak of laughter as he picked her up, carrying her the few steps to his bed. He sat on the edge with her in his lap, smoothing hair away from her face, “You really are beautiful, you know that?” He leaned into her touch as she ran her fingertips along his jaw. “I could get used to this again.”

   Shy climbed off his lap suddenly and pushed him back onto the bunk, quickly straddling his hips and pinning him with hands on his chest. “Don’t get comfortable yet, riduur. We have all night.”

   He grinned up at her, sliding his hands up to grip her thighs. They would likely be tired tomorrow. _Worth it._


	11. Waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is calm for the moment. Shy plans on getting some sleep

Shy stretched lazily and curled back into Torian. No way she was getting out of bed yet. Torian let out a sleepy sigh and tugged her against his chest, placing a kiss behind her ear. “Morning, cyare.”

Shy smiled softly, eyes still closed. “Not morning yet.”

He chuckled, burying his nose in her hair, “Whatever you say.”

The door controls beeped. Shy groaned inwardly, ignoring whoever was there. They would get the hint and go away, hopefully. It beeped again, but this time it was followed by the swish of the door opening and closing. This time her groan was out loud. Shy cracked one eye open.

Andi stood net to the bed, eyes wide and impatient. “You’re awake!” The girl grinned ear to ear when Torian propped himself up on an elbow.

“ _Ner’ad,_ what did I tell you?” Torian’s voice was patient.

“Oh! Um…” Andi looked bashful, “That I should knock not press the controls, so you know it’s me.” She fidgeted, “Sorry, Buir, but you promised we would practice today, first thing this morning…”

Shy rolled to her back and pouted at Torian, _really_? “I guess it really is morning.”

Torian gave her a lopsided grin. “I’m sorry cyar’ika.” He kissed her frown. “I’ll make it up to you later.” He nodded to Andi as he climbed out from under the covers. “Go set up. I’ll be right there.” Shy watched, smiling as Andi darted from the room.

Torian rolled his shoulders and began strapping his armor on. Finished he turned back to see Shy still burrowed beneath the blankets. “You not getting up?”

She smirked, closing her eyes again. “Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ner'ad - my son/daughter  
> Buir - Father/Mother


	12. Not a dream

She had actually married him. Of all the people in the galaxy, she wanted him. No questions, no reservations. Torian had asked and Shy hadn’t even hesitated. He watched her sleep. It was late, or early, he didn’t know anymore. He hadn’t been able to sleep, afraid if he did, he would wake up and their marriage yesterday would have been just a dream. He kissed the top of her head softly. Shy shifted and he held her a little tighter. There was no way he deserved her, but she never seemed to care what he thought on that subject. She stirred again, green eyes fluttered open.

She smiled at him, her voice thick with sleep, “Morning, riduur.”

His heart did a little flip in his chest. “Not quite morning yet, cyar’ika.” He kissed her forehead. She tilted her face up toward him and he kissed her lips gently.

A contented little noise escaped her as she snuggled into him. “If it’s not morning, why are you awake?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Didn’t keep trying.” He smoothed a hand over her hair. “Wanted to be sure this is real.”

She lifted herself up onto an elbow, with a mock pout “Don’t tell me you’re regretting being married to me already?” At his horrified look she laughed, “I love you, Torian.” She smiled softly, leaning over him. “I married you, now you’re stuck with me.” She kissed him slowly, her free hand drawing lazy circles on his chest.

He threaded his fingers through her hair and held her there for a moment before slowly releasing her. “Don’t think I deserve you. Not worthy.” He shook his head and kissed her again quickly to stop her argument. “I’ll find a way to be though.”

Shy somehow refrained from rolling her eyes at that, instead kissing his scars. “Worthy or not, I love you, Tor.”

He smiled, toying with a lock of her hair before pulling her back down to him. “Love you too.”


	13. darkness

   Another blaster bolt struck him square in the chest, knocking the wind out of Torian. His beskar was holding out better than he had thought. He staggered before lifting the rifle to his shoulder again. _Has to look good, go down fighting_.

   His vision blurred. Darkness crept at the edges. He could hear his brothers fighting, the sound felt farther away than it should. The raid had gone well at first, then more skytroopers arrived. Torian knew he was being reckless, but this might be his chance. He would take as many enemies down with him as he could though.

   Another hit, the blackness slid closer. Another, pain seared his thigh where armor gave. He was losing a lot of blood, head felt fuzzy. Stumbling, he took a shot, a skytrooper fell. His legs felt like lead. He slid to the ground, leaning on his rifle for support. The dark was closing in, he closed his eyes and sat back.

   He could see Shy. Green eyes filled with happiness. Her laughter filled his mind. Red hair set ablaze in the evening sun. _Cyare_ … Darkness took him.

********************

“Mandalore, casualty report.”

Shae looked up from the battle plans she had been mulling over with her advisors. She straightened, taking the report from the messenger. “You know your orders. Ret'urcye mhi.” The others saluted and left her alone in the command tent.

She scrolled through the list. Fewer dead than she had expected from initial reports, more wounded. She read every name, mourning the loss of good verde. The list of wounded caused her to pause. Torian Cadera. She read through the medical report. Nearly killed. She grabbed her data pad and skimmed through reports from several weeks ago. There. Torian again, nearly killed. She found several reports the same, becoming more frequent in more recent reports. The man was either reckless or had a death wish. Shae ducked out of the tent. She knew little about Torian aside from what the name Cadera meant.

She had never wanted to be Mandalore. The others had decided it should fall to her as clan Vizla was mostly intact. She must be a great leader if her people survived so well. Shaking her head as she walked, they didn’t know it was just because she had avoided hitting Zakuul head on. Her predecessor would be proud of how she had stepped up. At least, she hoped.

*********************

“You have a visitor.”

Torian tried to open his eyes. Only one obeyed, painfully letting a sliver of light and color in. He felt the medic wipe his face with a damp cloth. Vision blurred, focused, and blurred again with each blink. He looked to the foot of the bed. _Long red hair_. His voice grated “Shy?” He tried to sit up, crying out in pain as his body failed to do as he asked. “ _Shy_?” He squeezed his eye shut, willing it to focus.

Shae looked at the medic, confused. “Head trauma?”

The man shook his head. “No. Just blood loss.”

Torian felt his heart rip from his chest as he recognized Mandalore’s voice. An anguished sob escaped him as he lay listening to the monitors beep around him. Shy was gone. He knew that. That’s why he was here in the first place. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. I failed, cyare.

“Leave us.”

The medic saluted briefly, leaving Shae alone with his patient.

She moved to the side of the bed, eyeing Torian. Bruises covered the skin she could see, old and new. Fresh cuts alongside healing blaster burns. Blood still oozed from a wound on his shoulder. Shae picked up a rag and pressed it lightly to the mark.

Torian opened his eye again, trying to focus on Mandalore. “Not your job.” His voice was weak, filled with gravel.

Shae shook her head. “You are my job.” She nodded out toward the main tent, “I sent you all out there.”

Torian shook his head but said no more.

Shae rinsed the cloth wringing it out before pressing it to the wound again. “Tell me, Cadera, are you _jare'la,_ stupid, or are you wanting to die?”

Torian’s lips pressed into a thin line, he could not explain it to her, Mandalore or not.

She frowned. “That’s what I thought.” She lifted the rag, waiting to see if the blood had stopped. Satisfied she set it aside, “You are endangering your brothers. _My troops_. Why?”

Torian could not meet her gaze. “Gone…”

Puzzled, “Who...” realization dawned. Mandalore the Vindicated’s champion. She remembered Torian had been rumored to be part of her crew. Apparently she had missed some details “Shy… how long ago?”

Torian let out a shuddering sigh. “Disappeared… Marr’s ship.”

“So, she’s not dead?”

He looked at the ceiling, “She’s gone, dead.”

“You said she disappeared. That’s different than dead. There’s a chance she’s out there. A prisoner maybe.” She moved closer so she was certain he could see her more clearly. “What if Zakuul has her and you get yourself killed? Are you seriously willing to do that to her?”

Torian’s head snapped to glare at Mandalore. Pain shot down his neck at the sudden movement. He growled. “What do you know about her?! Would never have been taken. She…”

“She had never fought against Zakuul. None of us had. There’s still a chance, Torian. The woman I met on Rishi would never have wanted this.” She waved a hand over him. “You really think she will be ok with finding out you got yourself killed, _on purpose_?”

“Don’t understand.” How could he explain they had searched? Every lead a dead end?

“So, you’ve given up on her?”

“NO!” He managed to push himself up, his breath came out in an agonized hiss. “No.”

Shae nodded. “Given up on yourself, then.” At that, she watched Torian look everywhere but her. “I need you, Cadera. Your brothers need you. _SHY_ needs you. If Zakuul has her, we need to beat them back. She’s counting on you.”

Torian eased himself back down onto the bed. _Shy needs me… had given up so long ago…_ He met Mandalore’s gaze and nodded slightly. “Thank you. Had forgotten.”

Shae smiled and patted his shoulder gently. “Rest. Don’t let me catch you dying. I’m not going to tell Shy you let yourself get killed before we could find her.”

With a sigh he closed his eyes. The darkness crept in again. Shy was there. Smiling.


	14. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up to Darkness

It had been almost a month since he had nearly died, and his strength still hadn’t fully returned. The camp had moved twice since then, Torian had used what strength he did have to help as much as he could. Today everything was quiet, so he had found a clearing within the patrol area to exercise and get back into practice.

He went through the motions with relative ease, albeit slowly. His reflexes were not what they had been. He practiced in silence for a while, focusing on memories of sparring with Shy. Her laughter. Her determination. They had been equally matched. She had been the perfect partner. The pain of her absence was still there, but less sharp. He had a purpose again. If she was out there somewhere, he would find her. If she wasn’t, there was always _skira_ , revenge, he would make Zakuul pay.

Sunlight glinted off red hair, causing him to pause. He turned, his breathing coming in labored puffs. “Mandalore.” He saluted, chest heaving.

Shae waved him off. She had checked on him daily during his recovery. _You are still my responsibility_. Today she had brought practice staves. “How are you feeling today?”

He relaxed a bit, stretching, flexing, “Still weak. Better, though.”

“Good.” She eyed him as she approached, “I thought you could use a sparring partner.” She tossed him a staff, watching as he caught it. He was almost too slow. “I’ll go easy on you.”

“No.” He took a defensive stance. “Need to sharpen myself.”

Shae shook her head, laughing softly, and mirrored his stance. “Alright, but I’m not going to listen to any complaints later.”

Torian grinned. “Fair enough.”

***********************

“ _Ner runi ca kebii’tra, bal gar me’suum’ika bal ka’ra_.” Torian repeated the phrase and stared into the fire.

Shae nodded, “ _My soul is the night sky, and you are the moon and stars_.” She kicked lightly at a burning log, knocking it down into the fire. She watched the sparks fly toward the night sky. “I know we’re not much for this sort of thing, souls, soulmates, but my clan has always been a little different.” She gave him a wry smile. “Thought you might understand the sentiment.”

He shifted. His muscles screamed at him, but he refused to complain, he had asked for it, after all. “It’s… fitting.” He looked at her for a long moment. She was more than just Mandalore, it was easy to forget that. “Thank you.”

She chuckled and stood. “I should probably check on my other advisors. I’ve been out of the tent long enough Komo probably thinks I’ve died and is trying to take over.” She paused next to Torian, placing a hand on his shoulder. “When you’re up for it, I’d like you to start joining us. You are the leader of Clan Cadera, after all. I’d like to hear what you think of our plans.”

He watched her disappear among the tents. _Leader of Clan Cadera_. He snorted. Only member of it, more like. Deciding he would take Mandalore up on her request, he sat by the fire for a while longer, studying the sky. Black, dark, empty. Except where the moon and stars were scattered across it’s expanse. Then, there was _light._


	15. reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shy and Torian are reunited on Darvannis (immediately procedes "All night")

Torian pulled on his gloves and reached for his helmet, stopping short, deciding to leave it. He picked up Shy’s locket and slipped it over his head instead. His only plans for the morning were some target practice, and the usual meetings with Mandalore. He was safe enough in camp. Shae had informed them at some point today the Outlander would arrive, then everything would be in place. The droid factories here on Darvannis were a target for the alliance commander, and Mandalore had agreed to assist.

Slinging his rifle over his shoulder he ducked out of the tent, heading for the makeshift range. He recited his remembrance as he walked, as had become his habit. It was almost relaxing for him. Just a little practice to make sure his weapon was sighted in, then he would head to the command tent for final plans while they waited on the Outlander.

************

Shy had been lost in thought most of the trip. Theron wasn’t usually so secretive about his contacts. He had certainly never sent her in blind before. The more she thought about it, the less certain she was about what he was up to. _They won’t stab you in the back, just shoot you in the face._ Well, at least straight forward was something she could deal with.

The ship dropped out of hyperspace. Shy stood, stretching her lower back as she moved to the front of the ship. She really needed to get some cushions in here, or at least see about using her own ship for these longer missions. Maybe she should let Seetoo have at it. The thought made her snicker. It would serve Theron right if suddenly all his spy shuttles were optimized for comfort.

Gazing out at the planet stole her momentary joy, it looked rather like Tatooine. _Great_. The ship broke into the atmosphere, entering a sand storm as they neared the landing coordinates. Shy could barely make out tents as they approached. It looked nondescript military from this distance. Even more questions ran through her mind. _Why wouldn’t Theron tell me who it was? It’s not like I don’t have scores of both republic and imperial troops on Odessen._ She squinted at the encampment, _I’ve worked alongside everything from freelancers to Mandalorians_ … she stiffened suddenly. _Mandalorians!_ _Damn it Theron!_

She tamped down her frustration and kept a tight rein on hope. There was a reason Theron hadn’t told her. She would have to see for herself exactly why.

The ship rocked as it touched down. Shy pressed the controls and jumped down as soon as the door opened. A warrior waited for her.

“Mandalore asks you to follow me.” She turned without waiting for Shy to acknowledge her, leading the way through camp.

Shy took in everything as they passed. Mandos were milling about. Some cleaning weapons, others repairing armor. Clan flags hung on barracks tents. She only recognized a few, Vizla, Fett, Beroya. She studied every person she passed, looking for familiar faces, _any_ familiar face.

Reaching the command tent, her escort motioned inside. “Mandalore is waiting inside.” She turned and left without another word.

Shy stepped inside slowly making her way through the short hall, studying the occupants as it opened into the main room. There appeared to be smaller rooms to the back and sides of the tent. Shy had always admired the way Mandos set up base camp. Less tent like, more portable buildings. Several warriors stood next to the command table in the center of the room. Most moved off at her entrance, the remaining two turned. Shy’s eyes widened as she recognized the woman, “Shae Vizla.”

The man huffed and crossed his arms. Posturing, he looked her over. “You’re on the wrong planet. The Hutt pleasure worlds are a dozen parsecs out.” He sneered at her, proud of his own joke.

“Shut up Khomo.” Shae smacked the man’s shoulder as she moved around the table to greet their visitor. _Haar’chak, I should have made sure Torian was here already_ , “You’re in good shape for a dead woman."

Shy let out huffed laugh and nodded, ignoring Khomo. “I wasn’t expecting Mandalorians.” She shook her head, “Wasn’t exactly told what to expect, though.”

Shae shrugged, “We’re what you’ve got.” She motioned at the command table. “Heard you need a factory pulverized.”

Khomo shifted, “A dozen clans stand with Mandalore the Avenger!” He dropped his arms to his sides and puffed out his chest. “We’re ready for blood… even if our enemies are made of metal and grease.” He nearly spat the last words.

Shy’s brow furrowed, confused gaze darting back to Shae. “Mandalore the Avenger?” her heart sank at Shae’s nod. “What happened to your predecessor?” 

Shae sighed, looking at the floor. “I’m sorry. Zakuul hit your adopted clan hard.” She looked back to Shy, “He died fighting.” She turned and paced around the end of the table. “We’ve been under siege these past few years. Clan Vizla survived better than most.” There was a note of guilt to her voice. She stopped in front of Khomo. “I ended up Mandalore mostly by accident.”

Shy listened with a sinking heart. If clan Lok was gone… She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. _This is why Theron didn’t tell me. He didn’t want to break this news_.

Khomo’s bluster from earlier dwindled, “Half the clans are scattered.” He blew out a defeated breath. “Most of the rest are trapped in the heart worlds.”

Shae turned back to Shy, a look of determination returning to her, “When your spy-boy offered a chance to hit back, I agreed. Been on the defensive too long.”

Shy smiled, comforted, if not happy at the events leading here, “Mandalore the Vindicated made me mandalorian. For him, for my clan…” she closed her eyes, remembering her clan, her friends, before opening them with a new resolve. “We’ll take vengeance.”

Khomo grinned at her, “We’ll all drink to that.”

Shy stepped closer to the command table. “How have you deployed your troops around the factory?”

Khomo tapped the controls, bringing up the schematics while Shae went over the positioning of patrols, pointing out target buildings. “Place is a fortress, needs hammering before we go in.”

Khomo pointed to a section. “Next attack begins in five.” He motioned as if waving a patrol in. “Forward teams are in position to down the energy shield.”

Shy studied the plans in front of her, barely registering the sound of someone coming up the hall behind her. She could feel their gaze on her.

**********

Torian had seen the shuttle come in from his position at the edge of camp. He finished cleaning his rifle and made his way back to his tent, only entering long enough to grab his helmet before skirting the edge of camp back to the command tent. The energy of the camp had shifted. The battle was upon them, and the warriors were chaffing at the bit, eager to get to it.

His meeting with Mandalore earlier had gone well. He had asked permission to join the Alliance commander, sight unseen. If he was going to find Shy, or what at least what had happened to her, his best bet would be on the front lines. Shae had agreed to think it over, she wasn’t about to send one of her advisors off with someone unworthy of a Mando’s loyalty.

He set his helmet on a crate outside the command tent rather than strap it to his belt. The feel of it thumping against his thigh as he walked drove him crazy. Best to meet the Alliance commander without added distraction. He stepped inside, his gaze drawn to the figure standing opposite Mandalore. Catching Shae’s eye, he nodded absently, moving up behind the stranger, studying her. Her shoulders were squared, her stance relaxed, but there was an obvious readiness to it. Torian couldn’t help but stare as he approached. _Red hair_.

“You want to be useful?” Shae’s voice drew his attention as she spoke the commander. “Capture the perimeter guns and re-target the factory.” She looked at him motioning him to hurry in. “Torian!”

He watched the commander suddenly stiffen, he had been sure she had heard him enter, why would she seem startled? He tilted his head slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of her face, see if he could read her expression. She turned, and he felt the world fall out from under him. Reeling, “Riduur… beloved?” He was afraid he was seeing things, the low lighting in the tent, maybe his eyes hadn’t adjusted? He heard his heart beat in his ears, drowning out almost everything.

Shy had been steeling herself for disappointment when Shae had called for Torian. _Maybe it’s a common name._ There he was, standing in front of her, just as shocked as she was. “Tor… What are you doing here?” She shook her head, _that’s a stupid question_. “I… know how long it’s been…” words were failing her. She stepped closer, “I’m so sorry, but I never forgot you.”

Torian focused on Shy, everything else faded away. _She’s here. She’s alive_. He opened his mouth to say something, but she reached for him and grabbed the front of his armor, throwing an arm around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Her lips were soft, warm. He closed his eyes, settled a hand on her hip. _Cyare, I’ve missed you_.

When she broke the kiss he stepped back, just staring at her. He knew he was grinning like a fool, but he didn’t care. What had she said? She hadn’t forgotten him? He somehow found his voice, “Never thought you would.”

Shae bit the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning herself, teasingly she interrupted “I gather you know each other.” She wished she had joined up with the commander sooner, for Torian’s sake at least. Had she known... “You’ll have to save it for later. We’re short on time.”

Shy turned, her gaze followed Torian as he moved next to her at the command table. “Right.” She shook her head, trying to focus, “Let’s capture those guns and talk after. You good to fight?”

His grin was lopsided as he nodded, motioning his arms wide as if he would take on the galaxy, “Better than ever.”

 “Stay alive.” Shae looked them both over, “ _Both_ of you.”

Shy nodded, turning to leave. She could feel Torian’s presence a step behind her. Her mind was clearing, this would be easy. She glanced back at him and smiled, “We'll have more time later.”

**********

The trip back to base was quiet. Shy hadn’t expected more people to die so soon. Torian had been right, _We’re Mandalorian, there is no decision_. That didn’t make it easier, there were too many deaths on her conscience already.

Torian was lost in his own thoughts as they stepped into the command tent. If only there had been more time… He could hear Khomo giving the report to Shae as they approached.

“And our losses?”

Khomo pushed off the table, irritation evident in his motions, “Twenty-eight seasoned Mandalorian warriors.” He sneered at Shae, “OH! But how they took their foes with them! A thousand _mindless, programmed machines_ lie in the dirt today!” He waved his hand at the table, marching away from Shae.  “Oh, future generations will sing songs of our brother’s sacrifice against the spawn of production line fifteen alpha!” He stopped when he saw Torian and Shy enter.

Torian bristled, stepping up to Khomo. “They're dead! No point mocking them.” He stared the older man down.

Shae ignored the pair, turning her attention to Shy, “Not bad hunting out there.” She moved closer. “You’re living up to your clan after all.”

Deciding to ignore the men as well, Shy motioned to the schematics. “The factory is damaged, but still functional. The longer we wait…”

Torian gave Khomo one last glare before turning his attention back to the plan, “The longer we wait, the more droids it will build for defense.”

Shae sighed, “Agreed, but my people have been at this awhile. You two, me and Khomo can plan in the morning, when the troops are fresh.” Shae moved past them, leaving the tent as Khomo laughed.

“For tonight, we celebrate survival!” He grinned at Shy, slapping a hand on Torian’s back. “When’s the last time you feasted with your brothers, eh? Hah!” he brushed past. He and the few others that had remained in the tent filed out following Mandalore, until Shy and Torian were alone.

Torian stared at the far wall, hands on his hips, “So… you seen the others?”

“Gault's still... Gault. Blizz has his own hunter team of Jawas. Found Skadge on Nar Shaddaa, running for the Black Suns. Everyone but Mako.” She thought she saw guilt play on his features before it vanished.

“The others left early on. Mako…” he shifted absently, “Mako and I stuck together awhile. Hunted.” He took a steadying breath, the memories playing in his mind. He fished in the top of his beskar, pulling out her locket, tugging it over his head. “But when Mandalore calls, you answer… Had to leave Mako on Carratos, she’s smart, she can care for herself.” He turned her locket over in his palm, finally facing her. Taking a step toward Shy, he slipped the chain over her head, “You... You I’m not leaving. Not ever again.”

She smiled softly, “As if I’d let you.” Her brow furrowed, “How have you managed, the last five years?”

“Fought a lot.” He decided he would tell her later about the darkness he had lived in, much later. “Remembered you every day.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her, pressing his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply, “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”

Shy couldn’t help the little bubble of happiness that escaped at hearing him say that again. “I love you too, Tor.”

He released her, clearing his throat, and took a half step back, “Forget the victory party, let’s be alone.”

He held his hand out to her, she took it, letting him lead her out of the tent, “Are you sure you don’t want to be with them?”

He shook his head, chuckling, “I’ve been with them every day for years, cyar’ika. Right now, it’s just you I want.”


	16. Explinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (immediately follows "All night")

They lay together a while later, listening to the sounds of camp finally settling down. The party still went on, but the sounds dulled as Mandos wandered off to their bunks, or just passed out from drink. Shy curled into Torian’s side, tracing scars she didn’t remember.

“You said you would explain this,” he touched the scar on her back, “and it’s match, when we weren’t _busy_.” He smiled at the thought of how she had looked riding him, he hadn’t wanted to stop her, but the scars were large, worrying.

Shy propped herself on an elbow, looking down at him. “I fought Arcann, we were on Asylum, I’ll tell you everything about that when we are home on Odessen. The scars… I lost focus…” She didn’t want to have to explain Valkorion right now. “The scars are from his lightsaber.”

Torian sat up, “How… you could have died… should have died from that kind of wound?” Confusion marred his features. His mind whirled through all the possible ways he could have lost her before ever even knowing she was still alive.

“I don’t know exactly.” She sat up next to him, wrapping the sheet around them both. “I’m here though. That’s all that matters right now.” She kissed his shoulder and leaned into him.

She stiffened slightly, swallowing a gasp at a sudden realization, _Andi,_ she had promised to call her when it was safe. She hoped she caught her reaction before Torian could notice. How could she tell him about Andi? _I can’t just say, ‘oh by the way, I adopted a kid and told her all about you so if you’re not ok with it that’s going to kind of be bad’_.

“What?” Torian turned and looked at her, confusion and worry mixed. “Who’s Andy?”

Shy managed to keep her shock to herself. She had said her name out loud? “Torian, I…” she looked at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner, but I was just so happy to see you. I…” she couldn’t find the words. It wasn’t some horrible secret, but it would mean changes when they got back to Odessen. Changes he may not be ready for.

Torian’s heart sank. It had been five years. Of course, she had moved on. “It’s alright. I… I understand.” He shifted away slightly, his gaze set on the floor. “Been a long time. You were lonely?” his voice sounded strained. Why hadn’t she told him before they…

“Torian,” she tried to get him to look at her, “It’s not like that. I love Andi, but it’s not like that, no one could ever…”

He held up a hand, “It’s alright, Cyare. You don’t have to explain.”

Shy pressed her lips together. _Fine, if he won’t let me explain, I’ll just show him. Stubborn_. She grabbed his data pad sitting next to the bed. She checked to see what time it should be on Odessen before standing to search the tent for their clothing.

Torian watched confused, as she moved naked around the tent. It was hard not to stare at her but worry finally won out. _Is she leaving?_ “Shy? What are you doing?”

She waved him off, “You won’t listen, so I have something to show you.” She threw his clothes at him, “You may want to get dressed.” Pulling her own shorts and top on before rummaging in a pouch on her discarded belt, she tossed a com onto the bed. She dug out a string and pulled her hair back into it’s usual tail.

She plopped down on the bed next to him. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Are you going to put some clothes on or not? I’m not going to wait all night. I promised Andi I’d call her.”

He watched her tap the com. _She’s serious!_ He pulled his pants up just as the com came to life. He didn’t want to look. Why would he want to see his wife’s lover? Talk to her?

“Hey there, Commander!” Gault’s familiar voice filled the tent as his image came into focus. “Was wondering when you would call. Andi’s been dying, practically begging me to call you and… _OOF!_ ”

Torian couldn’t help his curiosity, turning so he could see her com clearly. _I’m going to regret this_.

Gault’s image was replaced by a Mirialan woman, “Don’t mind him, Commander. Andi’s been busy, Gault has been teasing her all day about calling you. She’s been the model of patience.”

Shy smiled, “How is everything, Hylo?”

“Eh, quiet. Business as usual for the most part. Nothing you need to worry about until you get back.” Hylo looked away from the com, “You ready to talk to her? Ok, here you go.” Hylo disappeared.

This time a child came into view. Torian thought she couldn’t be more than five or six. She was small, with bright hair, though he couldn’t tell what color through the holo.

“Mama!” the girl’s high pitched voice was filled with joy. “Did uncle Theron’s friends meet you yet?” She yawned, “Is it late there too?”

Shy beamed at the girl. “Yes, his friends got here before me, and yes, it’s late here too, but I promised to call you, didn’t I? Have you been a good girl today, Andi?”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded excitedly. “I did everything Aunt Lana asked me to do. An’ I went to study with Sana-rae just like you told me. Oh!” She disappeared for a moment, reappearing with a paper in her hand. “I drew you a picture! Look!” She pointed at the stick figures, “Here’s you, an’ here’s me!”

The child’s smile was infectious, Torian felt himself smiling softly as he watched in awe. _Mama?_ The girl looked like she might be too old to have been born while Shy was missing. It would have been close… and he hadn’t been there for her…

Shy wiped her eyes, her grin spreading as she looked at Torian. “It’s a beautiful picture, sweetheart.” She motioned Torian to come closer. “I have someone I want you to meet. You remember me telling you about Buir and the Mandalorians?” Andi nodded. “He was here with Uncle Theron’s friends. They were Mandalorians.” Shy moved the com so both of them would show.

Andi’s eyes widened. “You found him!” She jumped, clapping, her image tumbling. “Oops.” The holo straightened, she looked over her shoulder, “I dropped it, I’m sorry Aunt Hylo.”

Hylo’s voice was soft in the background, “It’s alright, little monkey lizard.”

Andi turned her attention back to the holo, serious now, “Buir, are you gonna come home with Mama? She’s missed you a whole lot.”

Torian swallowed the knot that had formed in his throat. “I’d like to, if I can.”

Andi nodded sagely, “Good.” She yawned again, her eyes drooping a bit.

“I think it’s past your bedtime, sweetling. See if Aunt Hylo will read you a story. You can sleep in my bed tonight.”

The girl nodded through another yawn. “Ok, Mama. Goodnight.” She blew a kiss. “Goodnight, Buir. Take care of my mama, please.” She disappeared before Torian could respond.

Hylo was back for a moment, “I’ll get her settled in, Commander.” Her gaze snapped somewhere off holo. “You absolutely will _NOT_ read that to her! Gotta go. Don’t worry.” She winked and cut the channel.

Shy wiped her eyes again before looking at Torian. He looked to be in shock. She supposed that was the last thing he was expecting.

A thousand questions raced through his mind. _One thing at a time_ , “Not ours?”

Shy shook her head, “Not blood, no… does it matter?” Her earlier worry crept back in.

He looked at her puzzled, “No, why would it.”

She shrugged, “You asked.”

“I wasn’t there for you.” Torian couldn’t pull his gaze from the com. _A child. She has a child. **We** **have a child!**_

“You’re not upset?”

He blinked at her. _Upset? Why would I be upset?_ Everything made sense now, “Why would I be upset?” He echoed his thoughts.

“Well I didn’t tell you. You didn’t have a choice,” she began ticking reasons off on her fingers. “You’ve been here so long, maybe you’re not ready for a child. Maybe I forgot something in the mandalorian adoption.” She stopped, confused when he started shaking next to her.

Torian couldn’t help it. She was so worried, and he was absolutely ecstatic! He fell backwards, grabbing and pulling her down on top of him, his laughter filling the air. “No, Shy not upset.” He brushed the hair out of her face. “Never been happier.” He kissed her nose, her eyes, her cheeks. Basic failed him so he began rambling in Mando’a. “ _She seems just like you. I can’t wait to meet her. What is she like? Is she that happy all the time? How much have you told her about me? About Mandalorian life? Have you started teaching the Resol'nare? The language?_ ”

He was talking so quickly Shy had no idea what he was saying. She couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Tor, I love you, but I have no idea what you’re saying.”

He grinned at her, “Sorry, still get tongue tied speaking basic sometimes. Just have so many questions.”

“How about I start at the beginning, tell you how she ended up with me? See how many questions that answers.” Shy sat up, straddling him. He looked so young, smiling up at her like this. He nodded, waiting patiently for her to begin. “Well, we had intel about a republic troop that had found a listening post in the Zakuul swamps…”

She told him everything, from meeting Jorgan, to promising Andi she could go to Odessen with her. He listened intently. Envisioning every step of the way. He may not have been there for them the past few months, but he would make it up to them, if he could.

They talked well into the night, Shy answered every question Torian could think of, before they finally fell asleep, limbs tangled, only a few hours before dawn.


	17. Sabacc

Shy yawned and rubbed her eyes. Torian had taken the evening patrol again. Every time he did, Andi decided she should keep Shy company, sleeping in their bed. Usually Torian finished his patrol, crept quietly in and moved Andi to her own bed before slipping beneath the covers with his wife. Tonight, however, Andi couldn’t sleep, which meant Shy couldn’t either. She didn’t understand how her child had so much energy this late.

Being near midnight, the cantina was quiet. She took a drink of her caf and tried desperately to follow Andi’s excited babbling. She was going on about some shipment she’d seen brought in, or maybe it was something Hylo had told her was coming in… she wasn’t sure. Her eyes were just drifting closed when a sudden giggle burst from Andi.

“Momma look! Uncle Theron’s not got any clothes on!” She collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Shy turned, blinking. _I’ve got to be dreaming_. There was Theron, in just his underwear. He was pointedly ignoring their presence as he hurried through the cantina.

“Theron?” She started to rise, but Theron broke into a full run at hearing her voice. “Theron! Hold on!” Staring at the doorway he vanished through, she was debating on following when another peal of laughter interrupted her thoughts.

“Oh! Hey there Commander!”

Shy ran a weary hand over her face hoping she would just wake up already. This had to be the strangest dream she’d ever had. Vette stood on the far side of the room, clearly startled at finding anyone there. She wore nothing but a bra and her underwear as well. “What on earth is going on?” _I’m too tired for this_ …

“Oh, you know, just unwinding after work.” Vette stretched with a mock yawn. “Oh, wow it’s late. I better hit the sack!”

Shy closed her eyes, dismissing Vette with a short wave, and sat back at the table with Andi. She couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s giggles. “Drink your chocolate.”

Andi twirled her cup on the table. “What are they doin’ Momma?”

“I have no idea…”

Andi’s eyes went round and she clamped both hands over her mouth muffling more laughter.

Shy buried her face in her hands. Biting back a groan, she turned and peeked through her fingers. She didn’t know what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t Torian, stripped nearly naked, striding confidently toward them. _That’s it. I’ve lost my mind. Lack of sleep has driven me insane_.

Torian stopped in front of Shy and gently pried her hands from her face. “Why are you two awake, cyare?”

Andi bounced against Shy’s back, wrapping little arms around her neck, “I couldn’t sleep so Momma brought me to get somethin’ to drink.”

Shy couldn’t help but admire her husband as he stood there, the evening chill didn’t even seem to bother him. If only they weren’t in the cantina… “Where are your clothes, Tor? Your armor?”

He crossed his arms over his bare chest and nodded back toward one of the back rooms. “Played Sabacc with Kaliyo and some of the others.”

“Theron? Vette?”

He nodded, arching his back. “She’s better than I thought. Tried to win the other’s clothes back.” He shrugged.

“Please tell me you didn’t bet your armor?”

He gave her a small smile. “No. In the barracks.”

 _Thank the stars_. Shy dislodged Andi and stood. “You sit here and finish your hot chocolate.” Casting an exasperated glance at Torian she headed toward the back room. “Let’s see what I can do about this.”

“Read ‘em and weep, boys!” Kaliyo crowed, the rest of the room groaning in unison as Shy stepped in the room.

A few pilots and a smuggler or two surrounded the table. Some reached into pockets to throw more credits in the center of the table. One closest the door reached down to take off his socks, the woman next to him pulled off her belt.

“Alright, not to spoil the fun but no more stripping, please?” Shy squeezed behind chairs as she made her way to the far side of the room to where Kaliyo sat.

“Hey hey, Commander! You interested in being dealt in?” Kaliyo propped her feet on the table, folding her hands behind her head and leaning back.

“Maybe another time. Right now, I need my husband’s clothes back.”

She pouted, “I won them fair and square.”

“I don’t know about that, but,” Shy tossed a few credit chips in her lap. “this should cover them.”

“Ah! Pleasure doing business with you captain.”

Shy grabbed the pile of clothes. She would set them in the cantina and let her people sort for their belongings in the morning. “Stick to credits, no more clothes, Kaliyo.”

She sighed and dropped her feet back to the floor, “Ah, fine, but it’s such a sight when some of these fly boys start pulling off shirts and…”

“I’ll raise your pay. No more clothes.” Shy yawned and began scooting behind chairs toward the door. “I mean it.”

Kaliyo grinned, giving Shy a mock salute, “You got it, Commander!”


	18. History

“You don’t have to love me, you know?”

Torian started guiltily from his rather distracting daydream. “What?” He quickened his pace to walk beside her. Following a few steps behind, watching her back as he always did, it was a struggle to keep his attention on their surroundings instead of on her.

“I mean…” Shy sighed as she walked, she jerked off her helmet and studied the path in front of them. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we found each other, and I do love you, too. I just…” Huffing she stopped, turning toward him. “Do you really know much about me? I could be some reformed mass murderer for all you know.”

Torian chuckled at that, earning himself a moody glare from Shy. “You’re not a mass murderer. Reformed or not.”

“How do you know, though?”

This sudden insecurity from her was new. Ever since he’d met her she had been nothing but confidence and certainty. “Not cruel enough to be one, not enough guilt for a murderer.” Eying their surroundings, he stepped closer. “What’s wrong, Shy?”

Shy shifted, tamping the ground with one foot. “I’m a nobody from Nar Shaddaa, orphaned before I can remember.” She let out a slow sigh. “I don’t know anything about me, how can you?”

“Your parents don’t matter.” Somehow that was the wrong thing to say. He didn’t know why, but she certainly didn’t like it. Bringing one hand up between them in a placating gesture, the other tugged off his own helmet as he scrambled to find the right words, “That’s not what I meant, cyare. I mean you are… _you._ You’re here because of them, but they aren’t who you are.” Heaving a sigh, he looked to the sky, raking a hand through his hair. “Basic is making this hard.”

Shy shook her head. “I’m sorry, Tor. It’s just…” She turned, agitated, resuming their trek. “Mako has been finding clues about her past, you and Gault know everything about yourselves, and I … don’t.”

He jogged the few steps to catch back up to her. “You don’t need to know your parents to know who you are.” He still didn’t understand. As far as he could tell, she was everything she should be. “I don’t understand why who your parents were matters, but I’ll help you find out. If you want.”

Shy cast him a sideways glance, a small smile returning to her lips. “Thanks, but if Mako can’t find anything, I doubt you could.” She shrugged, “No offense.”

A blonde brow quirked at her slight, he fought back a smile, “None taken.” He draped an arm around her shoulders as they walked. “If I can’t help with your past, maybe I can help you with who you are now?”

“I think that would be good.” Cocking her head away to look up at him, she winked. “I’m not a reformed mass murderer, just so you know.”

He chuckled, squeezing her shoulders, “I know.”


End file.
